In this episode of the Red Eye Report, we discuss some of the latest space news that you might have missed. There has been a lot going on. Also in the show, Ashtray describes Hunter Biden’s hog, and Teddy loses it on people not using headphones in public.
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Tonight on the Red Eye Report we’re gonna gonna talk about what’s new in SPACE! What’s new? Nobody gives a shit – that’s what.
With us tonight is the nearsighted Oracle. He always thought it felt funny jerking on his air hose. It wasn’t funny when he tried to get Teddy to suck on his penis to see why there was no air coming out.
In the escape pod we have Maybe he’s here, Maybe he’s not, Mystic. We shut his comms off to spare you the snoring.
Then we have Hot Pocket Teddy. The ham & cheese Hot Pockets are the only astronaut meal he’ll eat. And he’s never even been to space!
Then there’s Astroplane Ashtray. Who’s always high enough to see the Northern Lights between his legs. That’s why his head is always up his ass!
And this is the Red Eye Report!
Dane Co Paws for the Cause: Julio the Horny Toad. Is now in solitary confinement for sexually assaulting two salamanders and Beverly the secretary’s coffee mug.
What’s New in Space?!
Boeing’s Starliner FINALLY launches real astronauts into space!
Wednesday, June 5th, 2024
WATCH: Boeing’s Starliner capsule makes first launch with NASA astronauts
China’s on the dark side of the moon
China spacecraft Chang’e-6 first to collect samples from far side of the moon – BBC News
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c3gg32nn9p4o
Japan’s Astroscale to clean up space junk
Russia launches an Anti Satellite Weapon (so we say)
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cq55ww5j7e2o
(link to GIF view)
https://universemagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/djxk7trzat7wcsrhdj6skd-650-80.gif
What’s Sexy
Oracle: Popping that Camping Cherry
Mistic: DEAD
Teddy: Dumb ass gets banned for life
Ashtray: Hunter Biden’s Hog gets convicted
Fuck What You Think
Oracle: Printer Mayhem
Mistic: DEAD
Teddy: Cell phone noise pollution
Ashtray: Madison’s the new Wild West
In all Seriousness: Go fuck yourself
- Ben Afflac
That’s our show, we’re gonna be here every Wednesday or Thursday night at 10pm central, make sure you join the conversation at theredeyereport.com or facebook.com/redeyereport…..you can also twittle us @redeye_report….like us, share us, or fuck us, we’re down for whatever. I’m Ashtray…………….and this is the RED EYE REPORT!!!!!