In this episode of the Red Eye Report, we discuss social media, we listen to Teddy blab about thinking he’s cool, and as usual, we farm out the heavy lifting to an Indian telemarketing firm. Take it away Donald.

With me this week is the all-seeing oracle. Oracle likes social media almost as much as he likes squashing. You know, where fat people squash skinny people on purpose. It’s nothing sexual, more like job research for when that gut gets really out of control.

Next to him is the fluffy Teddy Bear. Teddy is only on Black Twitter. Instead of 180 characters. It’s however many they feel like, white devil. We’ve also got a soot-covered Ashtray. Ashtray actually started a social media app. It was called “wavy gravy.” It was an app where users can mark the hastily dug, shallow graves they buried their latest hooker kill in, with a flag, that waves. Needless to say, it didn’t catch on. Although, it did catch a few predators.

Last and least, I’m the Mistic. I love social media. I think it’s a wonderful invention and the world is a much better place…..oh, I just got banned. And this is the RED EYE REPORT!!!!

Social Media

What’s Sexy

Mystic: Stranger Things 3

Oracle: Not having a beater

Ashtray: The Federal Reserve: Not Federal. No Reserves

Teddy: Be in a Rick and Morty episode

Fuck What You Think

Mystic: Humidity

Teddy: Crooked Cop

Ashtray: The DOW crossed the 27,000 mark

Oracle: Stank Plant

In all Seriousness: Go fuck yourself Anchorage, Alaska. That’s our show, we’re gonna be here every Wednesday night at 10pm central, make sure you join the conversation at or… can also twittle us at….like us, share us, or fuck us, we’re down for whatever. I’m Mistic…………….and this is the RED EYE REPORT!!!!!