In this episode of the Red Eye
Report we’re talking about skin. I know. I know. You’ve been waiting for this topic since we launched the show in 2012. We got you!
With me this week is Mistic. Scientists say that your skin weighs about 15 percent of your body weight. A 200 lb man’s skin weighs around 30 lbs. I won’t tell you Mistic’s weight, but that’s a whole lot of skin. Enjoy the nightmares.
Next to him is Teddy. Teddy has the darkest skin out of all of us. He’s got the melanin. We know where that comes from. What we can’t seem to figure out is why he’s such an asshole and an ardent defender of Groupon. We need another Stephen Hawking or something to figure that shit out.
We also have Ashtray with us. Apparently, alcohol is not good for the elasticity of your skin. So Ashtray is going to look like one of the paper bags that the cashier at the liquor store puts his booze in sooner than later.
Finally, there’s me, Oracle. My skin is glorious. I put a good sweat on daily, enhancing my microbiome. I enhance it by rubbing feces and semen into my pores. I sit defiantly in my jail cell after they pick me up from the local Arby’s. What can I
say. I’m just ahead of my time. They’ll see. They’ll see. This is the Red Eye Report.
More Skin Facts
Infrared: Humans baking themselves
Foods for healthy skin:
Mystic: Bad Times at the El Royale
Oracle: Nerding out with Linux
Ashtray: 500 issue porno haul
Fuck What You Think
Teddy: Vita patch
Ashtray: It’s been 170 days since the last “daily” White House press briefing
Oracle: Entitled drivers
In all Seriousness: Go fuck yourself Mentor, KY. That’s our show, we’re gonna be here every Wednesday night at 10pm central, make sure you join the conversation at theredeyereport.com or facebook.com/redeyereport…..you can also twittle us at twitter.com/red_eye_report….like us, share us, or fuck us, we’re down for whatever. I’m Oracle…………….and this is the RED EYE REPORT!!!!!