SALT TYPHOON – RER 444

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In this episode of the Red Eye Report, we discuss Salt Typhoon. China has been hacking the holy hell out of the US lately…but what is the goal?

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In this episode of the Red Eye Report, we discuss Salt Typhoon. China has been hacking the holy hell out of the US lately…but what is the goal? With me this week is Antivirus Ashtray. He hates viruses because he’s absolutely infested with them. They only make so much cream to cover to open lesions. Next to him is Telecommunications Teddy. Teddy doesn’t have to worry about the Chinese listening in on his phone calls, he already blasts his calls on speaker in public spaces. Take that China! We also have Mitigation Mistic. Mistic makes it a point to mitigate all friendly conversations within his vicinity. A couple necking on a park bench during a lovely spring day. Not anymore, fuck faces, Mistic squats and takes a massive shit by their feet. That’ll teach ‘em. Finally, there’s me Outage Oracle. I’ve been prepping for a massive outage caused by the Chinese for years now. 5 gallons of lube. Cheetos. 100 cases of Mt. Dew Code Red. Bring it on…because this is the Red Eye Report!

Dane County Pet of the Week:

Flippy the Seal – Doesn’t do flips, just flips the fuck out. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salt_Typhoon

https://umbc.edu/stories/what-is-salt-typhoon-a-security-expert-explains-the-chinese-hackers-and-their-attack-on-us-telecommunications-networks

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Volt_Typhoon

https://www.theregister.com/2024/11/13/china_volt_typhoon_back

What’s Sexy  

Oracle: Dog Park

Mistic: Paleface Swiss: Ashtrays love life in 3 acts. 

  1. My blood is on your hands
  1. Love Burns
  1. River of Sorrows

Teddy: Christmas Gifts

Ashtray: Holidays with my lady Lily

Fuck What You Think 

Oracle: BS Airport Shakedown

Mistic: Eat the Rich

Teddy: Amazon ruining my surprise

Ashtray:  Don’t forget about the drones!

In all Seriousness: Go fuck yourself Tahiti

That’s our show, we’re gonna be here every Wednesday or Thursday night at 10pm central, make sure you join the conversation at theredeyereport.com or facebook.com/redeyereport…..you can also twittle us @redeye_report….like us, share us, or fuck us, we’re down for whatever. I’m Teddy…………….and this is the RED EYE REPORT!!!!!