Is your dad a hero or a cautionary tale? This week on the Red Eye Report, we’re diving into the dark, pushy, and occasionally criminal world of Parenting. Whether it’s forcing a child to speedrun Super Mario 3 before doing math or raising a future bank-robbing toddler, we explore the fine line between “mentorship” and “vicarious living.” We also take a collective swing at Gwyneth Paltrow (because why not?) and pay our respects to the ultimate cautionary tale, Marv Marinovich.
In this episode of the Red Eye Report, we discuss Parents. We inform the ladies of the evening of our nefarious intentions and as usual, we get on with our lives, even though we have an unhealthy hatred for Gwyneth Paltrow. With me this week is the fluffy Teddy bear. Other than forcing his son to beat Mario 3 before he can finish his math homework, it’s been smooth sailing. Next to him we have a soot covered Ashtray. Ashtray’s son is too young to know where his skills truly lie. Will he become the world’s best dancer? Maybe a leader in the field of STDs. Getting them that is. All we know is that however Ashtray chooses to vicariously raise his son. That’s his bidness. Murica…We’ve also got an all seeing Oracle. He doesn’t need to push his son toward anything. That little beast has already held up a bank and felt up multiple 3rd graders at daycare….fuckin Pimp. Last and least, I’m Mistic. I’ve always made sure to instill an aura of neediness in my daughters. Let a man take care of ya honey. I would always say…then when he’s not looking, sleep with the gardner and take half his shit. And this is the RER!!
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/blog/2015/dec/01/the-joy-of-six-athletes-pushy-parents
https://racingnews365.com/jos-verstappen-reveals-truth-over-max-abandonment-rumour
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200507/the-grandmaster-experiment
What’s Sexy
Oracle: Muse 2
Mistic: Cookin with Crack
Teddy: New phone
Ashtray: Amanda Seyfried Prosthetic Butthole
Fuck What You Think
Oracle: Fuck your DLC
Mistic: Why so much OT?
Teddy: Goddamn Global Entry
Ashtray: Dumbass perverts on campus
In all Seriousness: Go fuck yourself Marv Marinovich.
That’s our show, we’re gonna be here every Thursday night at 10pm central, make sure you join the conversation at theredeyereport.com or facebook.com/redeyereport…..you can also twittle us @redeye_report….like us, share us, or fuck us, we’re down for whatever. I’m Mistic…………….and this is the RED EYE REPORT!!!!!