In this episode of the Red Eye Report, we discuss Meat. We figure out that Ashtray has a much more sinister side than previously thought. And as usual, we do the bare minimum.
me this week is the Meat pimp Ashtray. For months now, every Sunday, Ashtray has been the auctioneer at a Meat raffle in Madison. At least that’s what the plebes think. Really it’s a cover for a sexploitatin ring run by the Democrats. Here’s how it works. You win a side of Beef. That’s really code for a prepubescent Argentinian boy. You win a slab of bacon. That’s a thirty something Latina, with mad seamstress skills. And the coup de gras. The rack of lamb. That’s an albino Persian toddler. Very rare and very expensive.
Next to him is the all-seeing Oracle. The only thing Oracle knows about meat is how to beat it. Whether it’s with a shovel, a cheese grater or just his fist.
We’ve also got a fluffy Teddy bear. Teddy doesn’t eat meat anymore. He had a bad experience with a tube steak once. Young naive teddy was like, I’ll try it. Then that huge black sausage poked
it’s ugly head through that bathroom stall and Teddy realized that this wasn’t gonna be fun. He finished it off anyway. Momma didn’t raise no quitter.
Last and least, I’m the Mistic. My favorite meat is Polish sausage. Preferably ones named Pavil Strombrowski. And this is the RED EYE REPORT!!!!!
Mystic: John Bolton
Teddy: Free Super Metroid
Oracle: Prince of Providence
Ashtray: Other people’s – other people drama: Fat Mary keeps on rollin’
Fuck WHAT YOU THINK!
Ashtray: Underground Vape factory closed
Oracle: Eat your fucking veggies
Teddy: Goddamn cross button
Mystic: Vape Shit
In all Seriousness: Go fuck yourself Palm Springs, CA. That’s our show, we’re gonna be here every Wednesday night at 10pm central, make sure you join the conversation at theredeyereport.com or facebook.com/redeyereport…..you can also twittle us at twitter.com/red_eye_report….like us, share us, or fuck us, we’re down for whatever. I’m Mistic…………….and this is the RED EYE REPORT!!!!!