In this episode of the Red Eye Report, we talk about kidnappings that scared the world and captivated the media. No children were harmed in the making of this podcast, but they may have been slapped around a little.

First of we have Oracle. His prefered method of kidnapping is the classic burlap sack.

Nothing perverted though … he just wanted to record their mercy cries for his artsy fartsy creative writing podcast.

Next is Teddy, he was kidnapped in his youth from Detroit and forced to Tennessie by his captors. To this day, whenever anyone asks where he’s from, he still draws hope by saying, DETROIT.

Then we have Mistic. He’s the opposite. He’s a kidgiver. Anyone willing to take his daughters off his hands for the night was fine by him. It gave him a chance to “take the boot off” for the Missus – if you know what I mean.

And I’m Ashtray. I tell people I don’t like kidnapping kids because they are more maintenance than a cat, which is true. But I also tell people, you have to find a new one, to bury the old one.



The  Lindbergh Baby

Old timey media about the kidnapping

Amber Haggerman

Started the Amber alert

Johnny Gosch

Elizabeth Smart

Abducted in Plain Sight

What’s Sexy

Mistic:  Big Check

Teddy:  Punisher Season 2

Ashtray:  Forbes says there’s no border crisis

Oracle: Longshot Mode

Fuck What You Think

Ashtray: Venezuela diplomatic shit storm

Oracle: Having crackhead dental problems

Teddy:  Bullshit Beta Bitches

Mistic:  Punisher Season 2

In all Seriousness: Go fuck yourself Escanaba, Michigan. That’s our show, we’re gonna be here every Wednesday night at 10pm central, make sure you join the conversation at or… can also twittle us at….like us, share us, or fuck us, we’re down for whatever. I’m Oracle…………….and this is the RED EYE REPORT!!!!!