On this episode of the Red Eye Report, we talk about hats. How long have hats been around? What were some of the weirdest hats over the years? We’ll answer those questions and more.

With me this week is Top Hat Teddy. Quick question. What’s the difference between a white man wearing a top hat in 2019 and a black man wearing a top hat in 2019? Answer: The white guy is a hipster. The black guy is a pimp. Sorry whitey.

Next to Teddy we have Pork Pie Mistic. Mistic’s moniker “pork pie” doesn’t have anything to do with the hat. He just likes fucking pies. Savage.

We also have Akubra Ashtray. An akubra is like a stetson with a dumb chin strap. He’s like a drunker Indiana Jones, but instead of finding the Ark of the Covenant and killing Nazis, Ashtray tries to find free lines of cocaine and Bushmills. He needs the fucking strap.

Finally, there’s me Oracle. My go to hat is my Tilly. These are indestructible, have a lifetime warranty, and can be machine washed. And I get to drop acid, wander the Walmart parking lot, and pretend like I’m hunting dingos in the outback. Join me mates! This is the Red Eye Report!

Hats

How many people wear hats:

https://aytm.com/blog/hats-survey/

Hat facts:

http://www.historyofhats.net/hat-facts/interesting-facts-about-hats/

1700s on hat pictures: 

Hats and pictures:

https://www.villagehatshop.com/content/52/gallery-chapter-2.html

Hat Wiki:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hat

Mad Hatter:

https://www.history.com/news/where-did-the-phrase-mad-as-a-hatter-come-from

https://corrosion-doctors.org/Elements-Toxic/Mercury-mad-hatter.htm

What’s Sexy

Teddy: Marvel ultimate alliance 3

Mistic: Blown Away

Oracle: Forza Horizon 4 (Fortune Island)

Ashtray: Concerts on the square and E bikes

Fuck What You Think

Oracle: Numbered bins

Ashtray: Stabbing a dry cyst

Mistic: Drums

Teddy: Division 2 1st DLC

In all Seriousness: Go fuck yourself Branson, Missouri. That’s our show, we’re gonna be here every Wednesday night at 10pm central, make sure you join the conversation at theredeyereport.com or facebook.com/redeyereport…..you can also twittle us at twitter.com/red_eye_report….like us, share us, or fuck us, we’re down for whatever. I’m Mistic…………….and this is the RED EYE REPORT!!!!!