In tonight’s episode of the Red Eye Report, we’re talking about fireworks. 

It’s so damn hot out tonight. Everything is hot. There’s Mistic, our hot fat dude. Teddy, our hot black dude. Oracle, our hot East coast starving poet dude. And myself, Ashtray our hot drunk trippin’ on shrooms dude. 

I can’t even think. 

I can only wonder … how long this bag of frozen peas under my nutsack is going to stay cold.

Is this … the Red Eye Report?


What they look like on the inside

Where they get their colors from

What’s Sexy

Mystic: Doing packages

Oracle: Glamping

Ashtray: Shrooms and Pork Butt 

Teddy: VACATION!!!

Fuck What You Think

Mystic: NBA super teams

Teddy: Nathan’s hotdog contest

Ashtray: Airforce 4th of July flyovers will count as training

Oracle: Public event slobs 

In all Seriousness: Go fuck yourself Harvard, Illinois. That’s our show, we’re gonna be here every Wednesday night at 10pm central, make sure you join the conversation at or… can also twittle us at….like us, share us, or fuck us, we’re down for whatever. I’m Oracle…………….and this is the RED EYE REPORT!!!!!