In this episode of the Red Eye Report, we discuss the Bronze Age. A little tin in your copper is the magic recipe for fast tracking your civilization. But the Bronze Age seemed to stop suddenly in 1200 BC. What happened? Also in the show, Ashtray discovers a new personal accessory and Oracle rages about Olympic techno.
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Tonight on the Red Eye Report we’re gonna gonna talk about The Bronze Age. And no, it’s not that time we left Mysitc at the nude beach without sunscreen, because Teddy got us so high that we took some other diabetic home once we learned it was a sausage party.
As always with us this week we have Big Bronze Mystic. Once we realized the diabetic we took home wasn’t an opinionated asshole, we pimped him out to the Swans man at a truck stop and went back to save that big boot booty Mystic. He transitioned to Samoan for a year, but just for woke points.
Then there’s Tin Tacker Teddy – who knows everything about the bronze age from Assassin’s Creed: Why not the Bronze Age This Time edition.
Running this rickety broadcast vessel of dubious discourse is Oracle, the Cyber Security-fuckin’ fix this shit-boy. His newest, biggest yet, buttplug is named CrowdStrike!
And hosting tonight is your always humble back breakin’, face fuckin’ rascal Ashtray! Here to show all you F1 fans out there, that you wouldn’t even have the sport without the Bronze Age – and other questionable life advice, here on the Red Eye Report !!!
Dane County Humane Society
Orange tabby named Baron Von Tumpleton – who was shot in the ear by a deranged liberal who hates outdoor cats, all while he was giving an impassioned speech to the trailer park cats how Joe Biden want’s to serve them only fancy Shee-ba, and take away their Meow Mix.
The Bronze Age
3300 to 1200 BC
Trade Routes
Stupid Ass Po-dunk towns
The Uluburun Shipwreck:
14TH CENTURY BC TREASURE: THE ULUBURUN SHIPWRECK (play this for visuals)
What’s Sexy 
Oracle: Treadmill
Mistic:
Teddy: Penjamin
Ashtray: Why the fuck didn’t I think of that – condom hack!
Fuck What You Think
Oracle: Olympic Techno
Mistic:
Teddy: Male boxer
https://apnews.com/article/olympics-2024-boxing-gender-4b6eb881cce9c34484d30c68ad979127
Ashtray: Fuckin FDA took away my Fish meds!
In all Seriousness: Go fuck yourself
- Craigslist Hoes
Tonight on the Red Eye Report we’re gonna gonna talk about The Bronze Age. And no, it’s not that time we left Mysitc at the nude beach without sunscreen, because Teddy got us so high that we took some other diabetic home once we learned it was a sausage party.
As always with us this week we have Big Bronze Mystic. Once we realized the diabetic we took home wasn’t an opinionated asshole, we pimped him out to the Swans man at a truck stop and went back to save that big boot booty Mystic. He transitioned to Samoan for a year, but just for woke points.
Then there’s Tin Tacker Teddy – who knows everything about the bronze age from Assassin’s Creed: Why not the Bronze Age This Time edition.
Running this rickety broadcast vessel of dubious discourse is Oracle, the Cyber Security-fuckin’ fix this shit-boy. His newest, biggest yet, buttplug is named CrowdStrike!
And hosting tonight is your always humble back breakin’, face fuckin’ rascal Ashtray! Here to show all you F1 fans out there, that you wouldn’t even have the sport without the Bronze Age – and other questionable life advice, here on the Red Eye Report !!!
Dane County Humane Society
Orange tabby named Baron Von Tumpleton – who was shot in the ear by a deranged liberal who hates outdoor cats, all while he was giving an impassioned speech to the trailer park cats how Joe Biden want’s to serve them only fancy Shee-ba, and take away their Meow Mix.
The Bronze Age
3300 to 1200 BC
Trade Routes
Stupid Ass Po-dunk towns
The Uluburun Shipwreck:
14TH CENTURY BC TREASURE: THE ULUBURUN SHIPWRECK (play this for visuals)
What’s Sexy
Oracle: Treadmill
Mistic:
Teddy: Penjamin
Ashtray: Why the fuck didn’t I think of that – condom hack!
Fuck What You Think
Oracle: Olympic Techno
Mistic:
Teddy: Male boxer
https://apnews.com/article/olympics-2024-boxing-gender-4b6eb881cce9c34484d30c68ad979127
Ashtray: Fuckin FDA took away my Fish meds!
In all Seriousness: Go fuck yourself
- Craigslist Hoes
That’s our show, we’re gonnva be here every Wednesday or Thursday night at 10pm central, make sure you join the conversation at theredeyereport.com or facebook.com/redeyereport…..you can also twittle us @redeye_report….like us, share us, or fuck us, we’re down for whatever. I’m Ashtray…………….and this is the RED EYE REPORT!!!!!