Have you or someone you love been Ass-Dogging?
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In tonight’s episode we’re talking about the latest stupid challenge that the lords of the internet are trying to snuff out:
With us as always is …
Farsighted Oracle, who still can’t see a Wisconsin career in his future. I told him he should have taken the jacuzzi insurance salesman position, but he insisted he wasn’t qualified.
Playing with his joystick next to him is the taint ticklin’ Teddy Bear. He just finished an Ass-Dog before starting the show, but post it on our Twitter feed … or my DM’s
Munching across the table is Mainstream Media Mystic. He likes his Ass-Dogs 5 alarm hot. His wife likes to say, go fuck yourself – Larry!
And I’m the Ass-Dog Ashtray, and my ex wife cheated on me cause I wouldn’t get off the Ass-Dogs. Well go fuck yourself Stacey – your ass was a flat bun anyway!
And this is THE RED EYE REPORT!
April 1st – TikTok user Samurai&WhiskeyDingo99 started the
Ass-Dog Challenge – for all ass eaters to use their partner’s butt crack as the bun to a hotdog
- Clean profile shot
- No genital nudity
- Partner in a thong
- Everyone knew what was goin down
“Stiches” went viral. (Stiches are when other user use clips of your post to then “duet” or add side by side commentary)
Hashtags: #assdogginit, #assdograw, #assdogdare, #assdogordie, etc.
USER: WhorangeJuliusCeasarSalad – a pickled relish was too much for their partner’s soft spot. The resulting spasm brought down the whole ring light on their ass and relish on the lens.
USER: SkyrimJobMama86753 – was a gymnast who was able to eat the dog from their own ass!
USER: CincinnatiDankSkank69 – made gourmet dogs on four different asses. Supposedly his “ho’s”. Critics argue he never ate them on film, and thus is not a real ass eater.
USER: ToeJamSam – had his wife drop a sizzling dog right from the grill to his ass crack. He begged for more ketchup to ease the burning.
USER: MoonWolf88 – had her 4 dachshunds fight over her Ass-Dog, which ended as you’d expect. One nipped her ass cheek and the dumbest dog, Terry, got his tooth stuck in her thong resulting in chaotic thrashing and yelping as the scene cut.
USER: WhenHarrySlappedSally – a known Man’s-Rights-Man, tried to flip the trend with his “Gun-in a-Bun” video – which was just his weiner in a hotdog bun. Before his video was taken down for the blatant nudity, most of the comments pointed out how his weiner couldn’t fill the whole bun. Leading to the hashtags #22Special, #PeeShooter, and #FlacidFrank
USER: SlipNotYoMama420 – set a record for 23 Ass-Dogs eaten in a row as their partner rifled them down their ass crack like a conveyor belt.
USER: WontonJohn –
Ran a segment dressed as Julia Child in “white face” and a horrible British accent doing a cooking show on Ass-Dogs
USER: 666TheDogFather999 – had his fiance dump him mid live-stream when she came home from working at Dunkin Doughnuts to find his Ass-Dog prepared on the living room couch. The engagement ring hit him in the eye before she stormed back out the door.
USER: IvyLeagueLoungeSinger2008 – stirred up the woke mob by claiming the original Ass-Dog was an expression of systemic racism because Samuri&WhiskyDingo99 was white, while his partner “the bun” was black. Others came to Samuri&Whisky’s defense claiming it was interracial and culinary harmony.
USER: FishHookHysterectomy – tried to get “Vag-Dogs” off the ground as an alternative to Ass-Dogs. But everyone thought that was dumb as fuck cause even the biggest vaginas look less like a hotdog bun and more like an Arby’s commercial. She still found a marginal LGBTQ following among those who appreciate turning general conventions into something dumb as fuck.
USER: HorseInfluencer77 – with their partner prepared and ate the only known Ass-Dog part of the Mile-High Club – as in the cramped bathroom of an airliner. A head stand was involved!
Media Shut Down
By April 7th social media sites were clamping down on the trend and deleting video and banning accounts.
Most videos involved thongs or yoga pants and were initially not in violation of nudity violations.
The increase in related salmonella cases drew condemnation from the medical community
Numerous salmonella cases started showing up in multiple states in early April 2022.
St Vincent Medical Center – Toledo, OH
Banner – University Medical Center – Tucson, AZ
Our Lady of Fatima Hospital – Providence, RI
Henrico Doctors’ Hospital – Richomond, VA
Williamson Medical Center – Franklin, TN
Ascention St John Jane Phillips Hospital – Bartlesville, OK
Aurora West Allis Medical Center – West Allis, WI
Obviously amateur ass eaters who’s partner didn’t wash beforehand.
Richard Fogel, MD, FACC, FHRS, serves as Executive Vice President and Chief Clinical Officer for Ascension St John Jane Phillips Hospital
Spoke out about the health and moral risks of Ass-Dogs
“While we here at Ascension have no business in our patient’s personal bedroom affairs, it has become medically prescient to speak now in order to prevent these cases of “illicit illness” from filling up hospital beds while covid patients still fill the others. Please take the time to sanitize yourselves before such behavior and use common sense before making your next TikTok or Pintrest post. And when in doubt, ask what would Jesus do?”
Adam Driver – reTweated an Ass-Dog meme with “let a man eat”, in presumed support
Ving Rhames – tweated “Tastes better off the gimp”, in reference to his Pulp Fiction character
George Takei – tweated his classic “OH MY”
Gwenyth Paltrow – tweated a link to her vaginal infused skillet grease, off her Goop page.
Tom Green – tweated “I was doing this in the 90’s – look at me now!”
Danny Trejo – tweated “This is how we ate them when we was poor and had no bread”
Oracle: Modded up
Mistic: Moaning and groaning
Teddy: John Cena World Record
Ashtray: NASA smacks an astroid
Fuck What You Think
Oracle: Grandpa Joe
Mistic: The NFL cares.
Ashtray: Nord stream Pipeline farts in the ocean
Teddy: Dear white people
In all Seriousness: Go fuck yourself
NASA – picking on small astroids
That’s our show, we’re gonna be here every Wednesday or Thursday night at 10pm central, make sure you join the conversation at theredeyereport.com or facebook.com/redeyereport…..you can also twittle us @redeye_report….like us, share us, or fuck us, we’re down for whatever. I’m Ashtray…………….and this is the RED EYE REPORT!!!!!